Jersey Shore: America's sweethearts?

Reality TV is an amazing thing. It can make someone that NOBODY would care about otherwise into headline news. If it wasn't for reality tv Tila Tequila would just be a slut. Now she's a famous slut that probably gets hooked up with free clothes and gets to go to cool parties. Granted, she only gets invited so that people can make fun of her, but the point is that she is on the guestlist. Otherwise she'd be spending her Friday evenings under whatever rock she crawled out from under.
You can find love on reality tv. Just look at that couple... what are their names again? You know. The chick that got kicked off the bachelor because she's not really that attractive. The one with the big nose. And then she got her own show and found the love of her life.
If you feel like living in a house with a bunch of strangers so you can get drunk, get in fights, and stick your fingers in someone else's can of peanut butter, then the real world is just what you need!
But I find MTV's Jersey Shore amazing for so many reasons. Regardless of the fact that I actually can't stand a single one of those nitwits, I'm strangely drawn to the television every Thursday night. I find myself using their corny catch-phrases AT MY JOB. And yeah, I was upset when Snookie got punched! I wanted to tell myself that it's a stupid show and not to care. But I find the little poof-wearing freak strangely endearing. WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO? Blogs went up about the punch. Facebook groups were started. Petitions were written to get Brad Ferro fired from his job as a public school teacher. Such unity, such passion, such intensity came about because.... because of some guidos fist-pumping at the Jersey Shore? It's astounding. I don't remember such fervor about any episode of For the Love of Ray-J.
Let's face the facts. The cast of the Jersey Shore has quickly become (in a sick, twisted way) America's sweethearts. I'm not saying we're going to remember them once the next reality tv phenomenon comes out. But for now Snookie and The Situation are household names. People are going to hope that they find love. Maybe Sam (who I still think is a wretched bitch) and Ronnie will get married and have little guidos. Maybe Pauly D will put out a CD of his mixes. Who knows what's in store for JWoww and her blonde streaks? One thing I do know is that if you have no real talents, and are kind of annoying, you can still go on tv and make a fool of yourself. You'll get paid for it, and sometimes people will actually end up liking you.

MTV's new reality show: Jersey Shore

Real World Jersey Shore. True Life: I'm from the Jersey Shore. Whatever you want to call MTV's new "reality" show, it's amazing. I'm using the term REALITY loosely because I have no clue what planet these people are orbiting. Regardless, the premiere of that show made of 2 hours of incredible television. Or 4 hours in my case. I had to watch it twice because I couldn't believe it the first time.
Leave it to MTV to find yet another way to exploit a bunch of mentally challenged baboons and bimbos in the name of entertainment. Here's what makes it so great: for days, weeks, even months, people will be trying to figure out if these 8 reality stars are REALLY like that, or if it's just an act. Let me solve the mystery for you right now: it's real. The Hills? Acting. Long, awkward pauses. Unnatural posing. Strategic drama. That is not reality. Jersey Shore? Fully real. This is not a comedy (although I laughed through the whole thing). This is some peoples' demented ideas about real life.
For those who've not tuned in yet, let me give you the rundown on these 8 strangers.

-Snookie- aka Snickers- aka The Princess of Poughkeepsie. High Drama and delusions of grandeur in its purest form. Don't be fooled by her constant whining and think that she's insecure. It's because she wants and loves the attention at all times. A mental and physical midget, she thinks everyone is talking about her all the time when in fact nobody cares that she exists.

-Ronnie- dumber than an entire shopping bag of rocks due to prolonged exposure to Human Growth Hormone.

-Jenni- aka Jwoww- aka What the F happened to that girl's hair? Sounds like she's been smoking since birth. Giant augmented breasts. Giant ego to go along with them.

-Sammi- aka sweetheart- slutty narcissist with powers to manipulate dumb guidos with a bat of her eyelashes. Completely vapid.

-Vinny- the semi-normal guy. There's always got to be one that's almost normal enough to make the other ones look completely nuts.

-Pauly D.-I didn't realize they made people like this in Rhode Island, but let me just say: BRAVO RHODE ISLAND. His priorities in life are quite simple. Tanning. Spending 40 minutes on his hair. Hooking up with the lowest class of women. No back story here because there is no depth. Those are his ONLY priorities. Oh, I forgot tattoos and going to the gym.

-"Jolie"- I don't actually remember this girl's real name, even after watching for 4 straight hours. She's completely inconsequential to the show. I guess they just needed one annoying, lazy chick on the show.

Am I forgetting someone?
Oh no... How could I possibly forget Mike- aka "The Situation". Yes. He actually nicknamed himself "The Situation" because he thinks his "Situation" (read: perfectly chiseled abs) is that amazing that it deserves a nickname. You want to hate this guy, but he's not-so-secretly my favorite character (and they are ALL characters) on the show. 1st episode he has his half-witted heart broken by the evil whore Sammi "sweetheart". I can't wait for him to exact his revenge on every floozy in a 12 mile radius from their apartment. I'm also very curious to see how many ways he can use the term "the situation" throughout the season. The final, but probably most important reason that he's my favorite is that he felt compelled to tell the lazy, annoying one that she should lose 5-10 pounds.

It's important to note that I don't condone any of the following:
- over-excessive tanning
- skunk-style hair extensions
- the "poof" hairstyle
- nicknaming your abs or reproductive organs
- STD's (which they all undoubtedly have)
- cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend on National TV. On the 1st episode.

But I will be watching this show to see what kind of crazy hi jinx this crew will get into this season. Well done MTV. Well done.

Paramore at Hammerstein Ballroom NYC

Last night Paramore played a sold-out show at NYC's Hammerstein Ballroom. Although I'm a big fan of this group, I was a little nervous to attend a show where there would undoubtedly be thousands of 12 year old girls screaming in my ear. I was pleasantly surprised to see what a mixed crowd the band had drawn. This is a relatively young band, but they are no strangers to playing sold-out shows at this point. The band put out their first album, All We Know is Falling, in 2005 and their second album, Riot, in 2007. The band rocketed to super-stardom in 2008 by their appearance on the Twilight Soundtrack. It's no surprise that their rise to fame came so quickly after last night's performance.
The band consists of 5 members; Zac Farro on the drums, Josh Farro and Taylor York on guitar, Jeremy Davis on bass, and Hayley Williams with the lead vocals. This band's performance was dynamic, energetic, and thoroughly entertaining. Hayley Williams would make any front-man of ANY band proud. She continually thanked her fans for their love and support over the past 5 years of touring, but that's not all there is to her stage presence. She has the on-stage energy that only a 20 year old girl can possess, but the vocal prowess of a musical diva that has been doing this for decades. Her mature vocals surprised even a fan like myself, and I'm sure converted anybody in the audience who was unsure to a die-hard fan. This band has a promising future ahead of them.

Them Crooked Vultures Conquer Roseland Ballroom in NYC

Thursday night I was offered tickets to see Them Crooked Vultures at Roseland Ballroom in NYC.
Wait. WHO?
I've never turned down tickets to a show, but I'd still like to know who I'm seeing.
Josh Homme, Dave Grohl, and John Paul Jones formed a new band.
Wait. WHAT?
How is it possible I've not heard of this? I go online to research and none of their music has even leaked yet. In the internet age that's quite a feat for any band, especially one with the afore-mentioned members. So I get to the show and am not the least bit surprised to find out that they sold out Roseland, and not a person in there knew their songs. That's a hard show for any band to play, but that didn't stop these guys from mesmerizing the audience time and time again. Josh Homme has an alarmingly charismatic presence as a front-man. Dave Grohl... well if you've never seen him live, I suggest you do. His energy on the drums can only be described as electric. There's a reason why people love him. And at one point John Paul Jones actually brought out a Key-tar. When was the last time you saw a Key-tar? Not to be outdone, Homme had more guitar changes than a host has outfit changes at the VMA's. He also delivered multiple quips about 4-hour sets that nobody knows, and the popularity of his band members while nobody has ever heard of him. Oh, I've heard of you Joshua... and I love you.
When their album drops, and I have no idea when that will be, you can expect to hear songs with very Queens of the Stone Age inspired titles such as "Nobody loves me, and neither do I" and "Scumbag Blues". Needless to say I've very quickly been made a fan, and am anxious to hear more from this group.

The Last Bridge by Teri Coyne

I have to tell you… this book is not for the faint of heart. I’m not someone you’d usually consider a bleeding-heart when it comes to my literary choices, but this book was undoubtedly gut-wrenching. You think that you’re stressed out? Try living in this main character’s shoes for a day.
Cat Rucker gets a phone call that her mother has committed suicide and is forced to come home after 10 years of exile. At the beginning of the book you REALLY want to hate this character. She’s an alcoholic, a dead-beat, and an all around miserable human. You’ll be very confused at first (if you are a sensible individual) why she can’t wake herself out of her drunken stupor and realize that her mother just killed herself. But you won’t be able to put the book down, regardless of how annoyed you are by Cat. And for good reason. Very quickly you are transported back to her dark, disturbing childhood. Coyne describes the emotional and physical abuse of her character with such vivid detail, it may be hard to sleep the night you read it. You’ll immediately understand who the real villain is in the story, and it’s not Cat Rucker.
The story actually ends up being a tale of triumph and determination. Our little heroine, against all odds, manages to put right all the wrongs that were done to her as a child. This book is definitely worth reading, just make sure you have a box of tissues at your side the whole time. You will definitely be surprised.

Ok aggressive guy

I think some of men that are looking to date might need a few helpful tips. I'm not trying to bash their pick-up tactics really, I just think that they can refine these tactics so that normal women won't go running for the hills. I'm about to dish out a healthy dose of knowledge; are you ready? WOMEN WANT TO BE COURTED. They want to think that their potential suitor is at least polite enough to be around people in public. I think some guys out there (and a few women I know if we're being honest) think that it's ok to act like a compete animal and still get dates.
For example; the street pick-up. Has this EVER worked? This is when you're walking down the street, minding your own business, and you're beckoned by a member of the opposite sex. This can be a whistle, or any variety of sexual harrassment spoken in another language. I have to wonder what goes through these people's minds when they are trying to scream down the street after you. Do they think you're going to turn around and go running into their arms, professing your undying love for them? I guess anything is possible.
Another example; the bar pick-up. There is a wide range of bar pick-ups that range from actual thoughtful conversation, to the puke-on-my-new-shoes-then-ask-for-my-number-variety. The former is obviously acceptable. The latter will most likely leave you and puke-boy in an awkward situation.
There are a few less obvious scenarios where a woman (or man) may feel like your aggressive nature is not exactly ideal for future courtship. Let me tell you a little story.... One day I went on my match.com account to see if anyone wrote to me (I still have not been on a date, thank you very much. It's only been a month. Don't judge.). I was a little bit shocked to see that a stranger decided to use the instant messaging feature on me with no prior wink or email. Not knowing how to react to such a situation, I used humor as a defense mechanism. I do that. Unfortunately this gentlemen caller digs sarcasm and asked me out. I said yes. I'm terrible under pressure. The next day he emails me and says that I need to nail down a day with him because he's SOOOO busy. I felt like I was trying to make a dentist appointment. I hate the dentist so I said I'd have to get back to him. The following week I was able to dodge his advances because I was sure I had some strain of the bubonic plague. Then the following Monday I get an email. This one was a little less pushy, so I said I'd meet him for a drink on Thursday. (Oh, another tip: try to come up with something a little more original than meeting for a drink. What about coffee? Or sheesh, whatever happened to a man taking a woman out to dinner? I digress) Wednesday rolls around and Captain Intense emails me that he will be at a bar "downtown" and I should meet him at 6:00. Confused, and a little scared, I politely emailed that I didn't realize he had plans with his friends and that we could always re-schedule. He writes back "my plans are with you". How interesting, seeing as I don't remember being asked what I'd like to do or where I'd like to go. That was actually my response. Thursday morning I get my orders. "I will be at Stone Street. If you take the 2/3 train from MSG it's a straight-shot downtown. See you around 6:30". Was this guy actually trying to bulldoze me in to a date? Not wanting him to get the wrong idea about the type of woman I am, I responded "Uh. NO."
What kind of lesson should you get from my story? Try being polite first. Maybe if you ask a man/woman what they like, then you'll find you have something in common, or maybe that they can introduce you to something new! At the end of the day, you're not going to get anywhere by being pushy. But hey, what do I know?

Kings of Leon at MSG last night

Kings of Leon played to a sold out Madison Square Garden last night. Of course I was there silly! Even though I sat in the nosebleed section, the magnitude of the performance was not lost on me. Very rarely you get to go to a show where you know a band is on the verge of something epic. You've been following the band for years because you know they have the talent, but then there's that one night when they reach new heights. And all of their loyal fans are there to watch it, including you! Well that was last night.

For those of you who haven't heard, KOL plays a phenomenal live show. It's a sweaty, grimy, soulful kind of rock concert. Caleb Followill's voice is far better live than on any record. It's one of those raw, gutteral voices that makes you feel the lyrics are truly genuine. (Did someone break your heart, sweet Caleb? I know many ways I can console you.) All of the Followill boys possess a talent we fans can only dream of. Oh, and just when you were getting sick to your stomach with the ridiculous talent you find out they're humble as well. I don't know what the capacity is at MSG, but the boys seemed truly touched to hear the entire crowd singing along to "Use Somebody". They played a straight set with no intermission, but that wasn't enough for the fans. When the band walked off stage the crowd refused to leave. After what seemed like an eternity they came back out and finished the show like no other band could. Followill graciously thanked fans for being supportive through the years and "getting on their little websites" to spread the word. You're very welcome boys.

How 'bout a slice of humble pie?

So I've been on Match.com almost 2 weeks now. I hoped that by now I'd be swimming in a sea of eligible bachelors, but realistically I knew I'd have to weed through a bunch of tools. Here's the thing that I didn't actually think of: MAYBE SOME OF THESE GUYS WILL THINK I'M THE TOOL.
Let me back up a minute and explain the rules of match. Basically there are 2 ways to let someone know that you're interested in them. You can "wink" at them or you can email them. Or both. And you can see all the people that look at your profile, whether they choose to communicate with you or not. So almost 2 weeks in and I have recieved 31 winks and countless emails. Not to shabby, eh? Well... most of them have been idiots. Like when I say I'm only interested in people in my age range within a 20 mile radius of NYC and I get an email from a 45 year old in Ohio. So I've sent zero return winks and only responded to one email. I had no interest in the guy, but his message was funny so I felt compelled to let him know.
I don't think that I'm being overly-selective either. None of these guys really seem like the kind of person I'd like to get to know, romantically or otherwise. Plus I'm new to the whole online-dating thing, and I don't necessarily feel like rushing in to meeting some complete stranger in a strange place. Unfortunately I think that my Match Karma has come back to bite me in the ass. While scrolling through people's profiles (I'm still on a mission to revise my profile to make it sound more like me and less like a robot) I happened to stumble on an incredibly handsome and seemingly sweet man. Perfect age range and very geographically desirable. I totally panicked. "What do I do? Do I wink at him? That seems strange and stalkerish. But an email may be too forward". Before I knew what I was doing I winked at him. It felt strangely empowering. My first online flirtation. In my mind I already started to fast-forward to what kind of witty email I'd send when he wrote back. Then I started planning our first date, which would obviously be amazing. There would be no awkward moments, and maybe we'd spend late nights on the phone... and then who knows!
This all happened last night, so I was anxious to check my account today for his inevitable email. NO EMAIL. NO WINK.
Now follow my thought pattern through the rest of the day: "Well obviously he hasn't checked his email yet and realized I winked at him". Later this afternoon I scrolled through the people who've viewed my profile and there he was. "Wait a minute... so that means he did get my wink. And he chose not to write back to me. Holy crap. You mean people just go around ignoring a nice girl's winks? I realize that I ignored 31 winks, but how could this happen to me? Is my profile not compelling enough? Do I need more pictures?" You get my drift. Complete and utter rejection. I couldn't believe it. But that's karma for you. Maybe now I will be a little less snobbish and respond to some of these gentlemen's winks/emails. I'm still not gonna respond to creepy 40-yr olds, but maybe I'll try to be a little nicer.

My Match.com Experience

So in honor of a new year and a freshly-broken heart, I've decided to go on Match.com and, obviously, to blog about my experiences. I've always been a little wary of online dating sites/speed dating/that kind of thing, but since I haven't felt compelled to write about anything in the past 6 months I figured I'd give it a shot. I'm not knocking the online dating scene, I've just never had a problem meeting people due to my naturally bubbly nature. However, meeting people and actually making an effort to date are two different things. After having my heart broken I realized I have absolutely ZERO clue what I'm doing in the dating world. It's a world of game-playing that I'm definitely not used to (and I don't like any game that I don't win, thank you). I don't understand the concept of actually thinking before speaking. I figure this will be good practice. I'm going to write about EVERY SINGLE date I go on. Hilarity will certainly ensue.
I signed up for a 3-month subscription to the service on Friday and filled out my profile. The hardest part is filling out your profile. Believe it or not, I find it hard to talk about myself that way. Telling people what you're looking for in a mate is just strange. Especially when it's online for the world to see. Oh, and there's the fact that I have no clue what I want. That doesn't help. After several revisions, I still wasn't sure if my online suitors would know exactly how awesome I am. But for fear of going blind from staring at the computer for too long, I logged off and went away for the weekend.
Upon my return today I was rather pleased to see I had 4 emails and 10 virtual winks. Not a single one was cute, but it was still nice for the ego. I'm not alarmed at all because I have several friends who have met their boyfriends or husbands on Match, and they already warned me that you have to weed through the frogs to find the princes.
HERE GOES NOTHING!